One day while eating my lunch at a small table on my back porch, an unexpected guest arrived.  This tiny visitor, no longer than a dime is wide, marched along the edge of the table from left to right, past my plate, and stopped to gaze at the Mexican sunflower leaves draping over the table and blocking its path.  When I put my fork down and adjusted my glasses to get a better view, my jaw dropped in surprise and wonder.

This marvelous, fantastical being had to have been transported to my table from another galaxy!  In my entire life, I had never seen an insect that looked like this.  What world did it come from?  Where is it going?  What cosmological intelligence could have created such a Suess-like, fairy-tale creature, in such a small package?

This unexpected guest made my day.  I was in awe of the great Mystery of life, how a tiny bug could be such a source of curiosity and delight.

In the book Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life, psychologist and author Dacher Keltner describes awe as “the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your understanding of the world“.

Dr. Keltner’s research suggests that awe and wonder are essential to our mental, physical, and emotional health and well-being.  Health benefits include calming of the nervous system and releasing of oxytocin—the “cuddle-chemical” that promotes well-being, social interaction, growth and healing.

Opportunities for awe and delight are everywhere—like the kid I saw unicycling downhill (yeah one wheel, no brakes!) with a humongous bouquet of flowers in his hands, or the “goth” teen who with utmost patience helped an elder who dropped her bag, or my recent discovery at the top of Skinner Mountain—three luminous rainbow shafts streaming down from threatening, gray storm clouds as they drifted over the river and valley floor.  These moments are ephemeral and easily missed, but when we take time to pause and  appreciate them, they can connect us to the transcendent and to a Presence greater than ourselves.

During these unprecedented, challenging times, it’s tempting to sink into negativity and focus on “what’s wrong” with ourselves and the world.  With a small shift in attention, however, we gift ourselves with the joy, awe and wonder that is our birthright.  We come face-to-face with that mysterious paradox of life:  that light and darkness coexist as one.  Rainbows stream down from storm clouds.  Great loss is accompanied by great love.  While war rumbles, a unicyclist is bringing flowers to a beloved, and an elder is helped across the road.

As a therapist,  two questions I frequently hear are “Why do I have to connect with my Inner Child and how do I know the child part is there?”  Great questions.

The short answer: Our inner child self is that part of us that is spontaneous, loving, playful, joyful, creative, and innocent.  When we suffer early parental attachment injury, the child learns to shut down these life-affirming qualities and replace them with adaptive responses to trauma: dissociation, fear, somatic symptoms, anxiety, anger, and shame. The wounded child and her authentic self go into exile, where she is safe and protected from perceived danger in her family or in the world.

These unhealed traumas can live on into adulthood, and impact every aspect of our lives: self-esteem, work, health, relationships, creativity, and life purpose.

There’s good news!  We can rediscover, befriend, and heal the inner child, creating over time a profound sense of wholeness, inner security, calm, and self-esteem.  Thanks to brain neuroplasticity we can repair attachment traumas by “rewiring” the brain.  I have found that the five attachment healing models below are helpful in helping clients reconnect with and heal the inner child:

Janina Fisher PhD (Trauma-informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST), teaches mindful awareness of and dialogue with one’s inner traumatized C-PTSD parts, honoring their brilliant survival strategies, and repairing attachment by reconnecting the Wise Adult Self with the Traumatized Child.

Laurel Parnell PhD (Attachment-based EMDR: Healing Relational Trauma), has a protocol for imagining and “tapping in”, through bilateral stimulation, healthy development and attachment—from the in-utero stage, through the birth process, toddlerhood, latency, and into adolescence.

Lucia Capacchione, PhD (Recovery of Your Inner Child), teaches writing and drawing with your non-dominant hand to connect with the Inner Child.

Daniel Brown PhD (Attachment Disturbances: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair), created a guided visualization, whereby one imagines parents who “did all the right things”.  Over time, a positive, stable working map of attachment replaces the old insecure attachment “map”.  This visualization can work well in conjunction with psychotherapy, and is available on YouTube.

The journey of self-transformation involves vulnerability, courage, and commitment to embracing our inner child.  In the words of author Elizabeth Gilbert (O Magazine, 2016):

“Many years ago when I was going through a dark season of depression and self-loathing, I taped a sweet photograph of myself at the tender age of 2 on my bathroom mirror. Looking at that photo every day reminded me that I once was this blameless little person, deserving of all tenderness—and that part of me would always be this blameless little person deserving of all tenderness.

Meditating upon a smaller and more innocent version of my face helped me learn to be more compassionate to myself. I was finally able to recognize that any harm I inflicted on me, I was also inflicting on her. And that little kid clearly didn’t deserve to be harmed.

Reconnecting with one’s inner child is a terrific therapeutic practice, whether you have old wounds to heal or simply want to avoid opening up new ones.”