“Stillness is also inner peace, and that stillness and peace is the essence of your Being. It is inner stillness that will save and transform the world.” Eckhart Tolle
Have you noticed how many people have been reeling from overwhelming challenges during 2023? It’s remarkable, the degree of unprecedented change and upheaval people have been going through, including life transitions, unexpected loss of a beloved person or animal companion, a big move, illness, major work changes, and the impact of extreme weather events.
We might feel like we’re standing at the edge of the sea, just getting our footing, when WHAM—another wave topples us over. How do we regain our footing, our sense of being securely anchored within the storm of life challenges?
How can we down-shift from a frazzled and freaked out human “doing”, to a calmer human “Being”?
I often invite clients to start small—to begin by simply slowing down, stopping, or sitting for a few minutes. Just noticing the light, the objects, the sounds in the room.
When we slow down, it’s easier to become mindful and notice symptoms of stress: heart racing, irritability, anxiety, rushing, fear, over-eating…these common symptoms let us know that something is out of balance and calling for our loving attention.
Placing one hand over the heart and one over the belly can also be a wonderful way to slow the heart rate, calm the vagus nerve, and soothe the over-activated nervous system. It helps ground us in the present moment.
When we take a moment to step out of the relentless river of life and notice our thoughts, feelings, and body sensations, we wake up to the peacefulness of “right here, right now”.
Even if our emotions are running high, we can shift to watching them, rather than drowning in them. We see it’s our negative thinking that is stressing us out, even more than the challenge itself. From this place—on the couch, in the car, or in the heat of a disagreement—we’re slowed down, empowered, at choice.
We can ask “OK what’s going on here? What do I need right now in this situation?” A gentle, authentic power within now grounds us in stillness and strength.
Example: It’s 7:30 am, the kids should be on the bus for school, but one has a fever, the other is still dawdling in the bathroom, and the cat just ran out the door. Your mind goes crazy—“the kids are late for school, I’ll look like a bad parent, OMG does Aaron have COVID, will we all get COVID, I should have gotten them up earlier, where the @#$%*# did the cat go she’ll get hit by a car, I can’t handle this…!!!” Triggered! Nervous system completely dysregulated, thoughts spiraling into disaster scenarios.
Perfect time to get mindful, get still, right here, right now. Anchor the feet to the floor. Breathe slowly, in to a count of five, out to a count of five. Hand to heart and belly. Invite the kids to do this with you. Or, you can slowly tap your upper arms in the butterfly hug, including the kids. This will calm the fight/flight response and slow your thinking down. Mirror neurons can work magic: as you calm and settle, your kids will calm and settle, too.
Now, your prefrontal cortex—the thinking brain—is on line. First priority is safety. Kids OK? Yes. Look out the door for the cat. Oh, there’s Checkers, under the forsythia bush. Bring her in. Next step is also clear—call the school. One step at a time, from a calmer, more grounded place, you do the next thing that needs to be done. There is more ease. You’ve found the calm center within the storm.
Have you ever noticed the deep stillness of a lush, fragrant forest? Or the peacefulness of a twilight snowfall? That same stillness can be found within; at our core it is the essence of who we are. Over time, when we practice a form of meditation, mindfulness, or self-calming, our nervous system transforms. We’re calmer and less triggered. Courage and self-compassion arise. Relationships improve. Insights and glimmers of soul purpose peek though. And an ineffable sense of Grace, of Presence, begins to shine from the very core of our being, welcoming us home.
