“Don’t believe everything you think”, the bumper sticker says.  So true!  The thoughts and stories that fill our brain—about ourselves, situations, and other people—are often fictional and leave us exhausted, anxious, or depressed.  Or as Michael Singer (author of The Untethered Soul and Living Untethered) aptly put it, “Ninety-nine percent of your thoughts are a complete waste of time. They do nothing but freak you out.”

Much of our thinking is negative, thanks to our inner Protector part that projects its ancient fight/flight fear out into the world, valiantly anticipating “what’s unsafe” so we can be prepared for threat.  Like a good foot-soldier, it has “telescopic trauma vision”, always alert to “what’s wrong” in any given person or situation.

Problem is, believing our worry thoughts and focusing on “what’s wrong”, doesn’t leave room for “what’s right and beautiful” in ourselves, or the world!  Take my recent trip to the dentist, for example.

A week prior to the visit, I noticed the classic fear response lighting up my limbic system with worry thoughts: “It’s going to hurt, it’ll take too long, I’ll be anxious, what if I need a root canal, have I flossed enough, will I get COVID, just cancel and wait a little longer…”

Fortunately I caught my thinking spiraling down the rabbit hole and recognized it for what it was: an attempt to feel safe and in control. I sat back, relaxed, welcomed the thoughts, and asked myself “Is this the kind of experience I want to have at the dentist?”  No.  “Can I be 100% sure these awful things are going to happen?”  No.

Next question is crucial: “What kind of experience would you prefer to have at the dentist?”  This is where intention comes in—where we can shift from “Victim” (I’m being “done to”) to “Empowered” (I choose my response).

I went for the gold and said “I want the dental experience to be fast, painless, relaxing, and fun!”  And that’s exactly what happened.

It was a cold, cloudy Saturday when I walked into the dental office.  I brought the staff a pot of bright yellow flowers and a cherry pie.  Why?  Why not?  It made us all happier!  Kindness is healing medicine, for both giver and receiver.

During the dental procedure, I practiced relaxation and held my hand to my heart and belly (slows the heart rate and calms the polyvagal fight/flight activation).  When the dental assistant surfaced next to me wearing a huge white space helmet from 2001: A Space Odyssey to protect herself from COVID, I didn’t freak out—I was even calm enough to joke with her about it!  I was so relaxed I almost fell asleep—while a lot of stainless steel was spelunking around in my mouth.  In the end, I had no pain, and we were all delighted with how quickly the procedure went.

Oprah Winfrey has said that her favorite line in Michael Singer’s new book, “Living Untethered”, is

“The moment in front of you is not bothering you. You are bothering yourself about the moment in front of you.”

It was not going to the dentist that was bothering me; it was my fear thoughts about going to the dentist that were bothering me.

Every fear thought I had, did not come true.

When I became mindful and explored these upsetting thoughts and sensations with curiosity and compassion, my nervous system calmed.  I was freed to experience a simpler, larger reality, the here-and-now truth: in this moment, everything is actually OK.  From this place of okay-ness, of Awareness, I am at choice.

Would I rather go to the dentist from a calm, happy place, or an anxiety-ridden place?  I tucked the Protector under my arm and chose happy.