Political, racial, border, gender, and religious “divides” are just a few of the types of division we are hearing about in the media these days. We look to a political or spiritual leader to bring opposing factions together, to facilitate empathy and mutual understanding, but alas there is no one human being who can single-handedly stop the polarization that plagues us.
There is good news! We can all play a role in healing division, each in our own small way. Each act of “healing the division” within ourselves and our circle of friends, family, and neighbors, positively contributes to the collective and the evolution of consciousness on the planet.
Recently I went to a busy restaurant with a friend. The waiters were zipping back and forth; I leaned out from our table and said to a server “Could you take our order?” They became angry and shouted “I’ll take your order when I wait on the people who got here before you!” Whoa! I got triggered and noticed the drive to get defensive. I felt embarrassed, it was so public, and I thought they were wrong. But I didn’t want to escalate the drama and found myself saying “Oh I’m so sorry, no pressure, I should have kept my big mouth shut, you’re amazing, you know what you’re doing!”
In that moment the server felt seen and understood; her defenses melted. Her face lit up like a shining star, a broad smile from ear to ear. From that point forward, we were “good”—she happily took our order, was friendly and joking around with all her customers, and the energy of the entire place went from tense and “divisive” to cheerful and uplifted.
When we take a breath before defensively reacting, we have space to calm down, listen, have empathy, and more skillfully respond to a divisive situation—between ourselves and our spouse, child, parent, neighbor or coworker. This is a healing gift! As I say to my clients, never underestimate how important your own healing process is to the well-being of the planet and everyone around you. Every positive shift in your own healing, reactivity, and self-awareness ripples outward.
There are many organizations healing divisive rifts in inspiring, extraordinary ways—between people who have been at war or diametrically opposed for generations! Susan Polis Schutz’s documentary (seen on NEPM Passport) Healing Divides, features six different communities from around the world, each of them finding creative ways to come together, heal, and learn from each other. I highly recommend this film for “filling your tank” with uplifting, hopeful news.
As author and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle reminds us, “It is inner stillness that will save and transform the world.” One challenging interaction at a time, with practice, we become more calm and empathic, more loving and less reactive.
In the words of Mohandas Ghandi,
“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”
